well maybe i’m thinking too much, but it’s quite scary honestly. idk how to say how i feel but it’s just so damn insecure. plus hope it won’t be weird.

sigh. oh received the rejection letters. not a good feeling. first time flunking national exam. likea ultimate phail. =/ well hope SIM won’t do this to me. reallyreally wanna study psych. 

breathe in and out. 

off to sleeep. 

don’t you just love it when everything falls into place, according to plans?
life’s gonna be sosososo much easier. happier maybe.

but perhaps we’ll still need a little bit of space, to allow for random surprises. well that won’t be to plan but at least we’ve planned for accidents to occur. and in the event everything goes on smoothly, we can just use this space for some rest, for some me-time.  

time to stop being so lazy. so i can be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better person. :]

like veryveryveryvery emotional now. 

haven’t been seeing the father much lately. he’s continually flying everywhere. ): dunch like. 

one fall too deep. so difficult to recover from. it’s almost impossible. hopes dreams gone. as much as i’ll like to be cheery about it, i cant. i think people can sense the discomfort, the facade. still i can only keep it that way.

need to stop being so sour. 

when someone gets too close, i’ll auto-ly move away. in a sense it’s like reflexes, intuition that something’s gonna happen. something that i’ll be afraid of is going to happen.

so sensitive cause i’m so insecure. totally.

need to start working on that now. on a random note i’m super hungry. waiting for bf with the bgf (bestguyfriend) at 8. it’s gonna be long till i see him. but i know we’ll stay in contact, so it ain’t that bad! 

should write a card later. 

till now i’m still veryveryvery scared of awkward moments. and idontknow lah. insecure. & maybe i’ll live better in seclusion. at least noone’s gonna get irritated by me. right.

i still remember, get reminded of you a lot. 
and i’m a whole lot more sentimental, and emotional.
weaker, in another sense.

i hope you’re happy, wherever you are. cause everyone else seems to be too, yes me inclusive.

all the festives seem so so soso weird now. and esp the weekends. ): 

apparently it hit me that my only two birthday wishes didn’t come true. well, maybe i was too greedy in asking for two. maybe i should have just wished for one, and it might actually come true. 

i realised both would be a miracle if it happened.

taking things for granted, like how a miracle w the O’s, and expecting that for the A’s. perhaps that’s why it was so hard to get over? idk.

but i’m actually so used to working that university seems so far off. but it’s gonna be real crazy not getting a uni education. we all know that.

and now that sleeping early doesnt seem to work for waking up, perhaps sleeping late will. gonna try the theory! :]

& work’s giving me a lot of opportunities. more than i ever possibly have imagined. hmm.  

suddenly i feel super mad lost. really. i really hope i can get into the govt unis, though chances are super mad slim. 

too many things to think about. super mad lost and i feel super troubled. like really there’s this heavy burden on my chest, and it’s just yea like a huge rock, causing me to be breathless.

i’m still trying to find a way to be who i wanna be, instead of who i am. cause who i am now disgusts me. somehow. really. and i think all the negativites are just so deep-rooted into me there’s really no way to be really happy.

why am i so irritating. 

of people whom you don’t really know well. in situations which you would rather not be in. when you cant find the right things to say. when you’re doing the wrong thing. oh basically just about everything will have this awkward moment.

but well, that’s life. right? and we don’t need to understand. just accept. makes everything a whole lot easier too hahaha.

and when people forigve, and perhaps forget, maybe one of the many causes of sucha scenario will be gone. which is a good thing. till people remember them. then, it’s all havoc. =/

still scared of awkward moments in life. but i’ll do my best to embrace and possibly overcome them. that’s the least eh? :]